Oh my god I think we're under attack

Because my cell phone stopped working and I still have the internet and the Man is watching me and reading this as I speak. Crazy apocalyptica stories always start with small electrical disturbances. Pretty soon there's a pyramid growing out of fog in your fridge and instead of being in pajamas sitting on your bed wishing you hadn't eaten so much dinner you are dressed all sexy but your skin's super pale and aliens have taken over the whole city. Or you are sitting comfortably in your easy chair, curled up in a blanket watching a movie when the screen goes to fuzz and the back screen door bangs the house as the wind blows this way and that.

The cell phone tower is down and so I'm thinking it's more like terrorists who have yet to bore beneath the city's streets and take from us our internet. Tomorrow I will wake to the dark ages and when I go to catch the bus there will scarcely be anybody on it because anyone who's with it was watching KING 5 news and knows that Jim Foreman, crisis reporter, is being held hostage in a tent in Pioneer Square and that the terrorists have been placed as appointees of some Dubai investors who have made out poorly in their attempt to bail out the US-run CitiBank.

Yeah so I'm stuck here in my apartment with my internet connection and my newly-procured-but-as-yet unused ice ax waiting for some bad guys or something. I figure I've got an advantage over bad guys 'cause I'm expecting them and also we're not on the first floor. If it's the storm we should worry about, well, we live in the heart of industrial Ballard, for chrissakes, there's not a tall tree in sight to fall on our building and if there's a massive flood I will hack my desk chair apart and build a raft. Really quickly.

Things have been pretty calm around the city these days. It seems like the perfect time for a natural disaster or a monster or a plague or a trade war-turned-violent. Nefarious events always arise from Mayberry scenes. They descend on unwitting "good" people who take for granted the lack of horror around them. They start with small electrical occurrences.

The key is to be prepared. Don't be one of the unwitting.